Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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(303): View more from Colorado

There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(506): View more from New Brunswick

No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Bang-toberfest begins!!

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(360): View more from Washington

I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.

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