also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
