yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
