It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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