Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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