When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
