I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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