i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
