Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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