I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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