After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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