I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
