Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
