I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
