Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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