Kiss
Puke
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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