So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
