he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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