Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
