it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
