Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
