its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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