I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
