yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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