i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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