Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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