i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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