So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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