I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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