I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
