It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
