is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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