Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
