I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
