She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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