I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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