This is not my ceiling
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
