The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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