Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Enjoy the penises
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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