Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
