You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
