I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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