Your dad touched me again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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