He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
