Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
