I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
