shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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