If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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