I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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