My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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