i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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