You made me cry and you don't even care
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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