Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
