Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it penis luge time yet?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
