How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
