So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
